


homecoming

by HAILxHYDRA



Series: 𝚂𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚙𝚒𝚝𝚢 - 𝐏. 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐫 [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Homecoming, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:49:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29884824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HAILxHYDRA/pseuds/HAILxHYDRA
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker
Series: 𝚂𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚙𝚒𝚝𝚢 - 𝐏. 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐫 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2197290
Kudos: 14





	homecoming

Peter tiptoed from his room and hid behind the wall that was separating him from all of the Avengers in the living room. Currently, they were having a livid discussion, about a matter that Peter was not allowed to know. He, according to Tony, was behind on homework (that was completely inaccurate - he was ahead in all of his classes), and needed to do it in his room.

He put his ear against the wall, eavesdropping on their conversation (or more accurately, argument). Peter immediately wished he hadn't heard, and he had just followed Tony's directions like Tony told him.

"He's capable of things you can't even imagine, Natasha!" he heard Tony snap, presumably at Natasha.

"Tony..." Bruce, always the voice of reason.

"No, don't 'Tony' me, Bruce. He's lifted a whole building off of himself! A fucking building!"

"He's a kid, Tony! A fucking kid!" Natasha yelled. Peter felt something wet fall out of his eye and onto his cheek. He quietly stalked back to his room, hoping no one heard. And no one did.

Except, Bucky wasn't no one.

* * *

Peter softly closed the door, and leaned against it. He slunk down, now on the floor, and put his head in his hands. He let it all out. Wet, hot, tears burned his cheeks, while sobs racked his body. He curled into himself, breathing hard and fast, most likely having a panic attack. Trying to not make any noise, he silently sobbed, hoping no one would know the pain that those four words caused him.

_"He's just a kid."_

Self-doubt pervaded his mind. Doubt that he was good enough for anyone. Why would they say that? Why would they think that he is unable to handle this stuff? Is it that he isn't good enough for them? Why would they even-

"Peter? I know you're in there. Please." He didn't want someone in his room right now, trying to comfort him. He didn't want anyone, period.

"Who is it?" Peter whispered. He knew exactly who that was.

"It's me, Bucky."

"Oh," Peter breathed out. He stood up, shaking and cracked open the door. There stood Bucky, in all his glory, with a slight, comforting smile that made Peter feel warm and fuzzy inside, like, if Bucky was there, he would be safe.

"May I come in?" he asked softly, making sure not to startle Peter and scare him. Bucky had experience with this type of stuff. He memorized the signs of a panic attack - Steve, before he was Captain America, struggled with asthma, panic attacks, heart and nervous system troubles, scarlet and rheumatic fevers, and chronic colds (just to name a few). In all honesty, Peter had reminded him of the young Steve, although without all the ailments. He was kind, caring, and willing to do anything to protect the innocent - even if it meant putting his life in danger. That was part of the reason why Bucky felt an immediate connection to Peter, as if when he had first met him, he had signed a mental contract that he would do anything to protect the innocent young boy. In a way, Bucky had become the big brother and the family that Peter never had.

"Yeah, sure." Peter put on a glaringly fake smile and wiped his tear-stained, cherry cheeks. Bucky raised his eyebrows, as if to say that no one was looking past that display of insincerity. Peter realized this, and looked down, not ashamed because of Bucky finding out (he was going to do that anyway), but ashamed because he was crying in the first place, when there was absolutely no reason to cry. He shouldn't have been bothered by their comments - he knew that they were just looking out for him. He knew that they cared about him, that was for sure. So then why was he crying? If they cared about him, they would make the right decision for him, right? But was he not old enough to make his own decisions? Did he need people looking out for him every step of the way? Was he-

"I don't know what is going on in your brain right now, but I need you to get those thoughts out of your head," Bucky said. Peter snapped out of his daze, and looked at Bucky, eyes red from crying so much. In this moment, he was vulnerable.

_Vulnerable._

Such a strange word.

It can be used to describe the weakest of people, yet it could also be used to describe the most resilient of people. The bravest of men, women, and others had to be vulnerable sometime. The strongest of heroes had to show vulnerability at some point. Vulnerability, if used correctly, could be the strongest weapon mankind had ever made.

And Peter realized that. Bucky did, too, although he was trained to think that way. So he kept an impassive expression on his face, careful not to give away too many of his thoughts. He gave a slight smile and patted the empty space on the bed next to him, inviting Peter to sit down. He sat down, but the moment he did, he broke.

He was broken. Truly broken. Not like the other times, where everyone was there to fix him. This time, there was no one to help him up. There was no one to tell him that it was all going to be okay. No one to save him from the darkness within. There was no one. He was simply... alone.

Peter was back in the warehouse. He was fighting the Vulture. It was homecoming. He was back there. The Vulture was flying around, crushing the pillars. He was back there.

_He was back there._

The building fell on top of him. On top of him. And the Vulture just took one look at him, and walked away.

Peter was crushed underneath the fallen building.

_I can't breathe, I can't breathe! Please, someone help! Please!_

Peter breathed heavily, trying to suck in as much air. Unfortunately, his lungs had some other plans. Tears streamed down his face and dropped onto the ground, forming a muddy puddle. His reflection looked back at him, half covered by the Spiderman mask. For the first time, he realized how weak he actually was. Without that suit, he was just an awkward kid that just wanted to prove himself to his idol. He wasn't a hero. That was Spiderman, not Peter Parker. Peter Parker was a high schooler who was just trying to get good grades and get into a good college. He wasn't a hero. He wasn't some confident, web-slinging, vigilante. He was just a kid.

_He was just a kid._

"Peter, wake up! Come on Spiderman! Peter, please!" He heard Bucky's voice pleading him to do something. Why was Bucky here, in the warehouse? He couldn't get out of there. The building was crushing him. He couldn't breathe.

_He couldn't breathe._

Peter's heart beat wildly. He couldn't control it. It was as if he was underwater. He was drowning. He couldn't breathe. It was so hot. Why was it so hot? He felt someone's arms on him, and was pulled out of the awful memory.

He stood up and stumbled around, regaining full consciousness of the situation. Bucky was sitting there, eyes wide as saucers, staring straight into the depths of Peter's soul (he had that vibe around him). Peter leaned against the wall, panting hard.

In through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

He repeated that process a few times before calming down enough to be able to talk. He was still a bit disoriented, and he staggered around for a while until he was able to sit on the bed.

_He's just a kid._

"Hey, Peter. It's okay. You're not there anymore. You're here, with me. You're safe," Bucky said, reaching his arms out to console Peter. He had his head in his hands, and was sobbing violently. Bucky wrapped his arms around him and tried to comfort him. He knew what the kid was going through - he had gone through it himself.

_He's just a kid._

How did he not notice before? Peter was spiraling. When Bucky spiraled, someone was always there - whether it was Steve comforting him, or Hydra reprogramming him again and again. When he had panic attacks, he got over it. There was no getting used to it, no matter how many times it happened, or how frequently it happened. They just seem to suck you in, until you're too deep in the water to float.

_He's just a kid._

As he was holding Peter, he realized that the boy had no one. No parents, no aunt and uncle, no living relative left. He was alone. There wasn't anyone to pull him out of the water when he was drowning. There was no one to tell him that everything was going to be okay, that in the end, it will all be fine.

_He's just a kid._

He shouldn't have to go through all of this. He should be in his house, with all of his family, laughing and having fun with them. He should be safe, happy, without a care in the world. He should be a normal teenager, hanging out with friends and making dark jokes. Instead, he is fighting crime all day and night, helping the Avengers, and constantly putting his life in danger. He never got to be an actual teenager. He never had a real family, always being kept in different houses once his relatives passed away.

_He's just a kid._

Peter calmed down a bit, enough for him to let out a laugh. It wasn't a happy laugh; it wasn't one that showed he was truly enjoying this. Instead, the laugh was sardonic, mocking, even. The bitter laugh showed what he was truly feeling.

_He's just a kid._

"What happened?" Bucky asked him with raised eyebrows. He slowly ran his hands through Peter's hair, to calm him down a bit. Peter looked up and leaned his head back in exasperation. His face was a mix of pure fear and exasperation. Tears welled up in his eyes, and in that moment, Bucky realized who Peter really was.

_He's just a kid._

Peter wasn't some crime-fighting vigilante, no. That was Spiderman. The real Peter, well, he was just a kid. He was just someone who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He only wanted to help people. Yet in that process, he hurt himself.

_He's just a kid._

He hurt himself beyond repair. Bucky was broken by Hydra; that made it somewhat less disconcerting - he was hurt by some outside force. Peter, on the other hand, hurt himself. He was so focused on being Spiderman and saving other people, that he never even thought about saving himself - from himself.

_He's just a kid._

"I was back there," Peter said, closing his eyes. He visualized being trapped underneath that building. He visualized pleading for help. He visualized no one being there to help him. A single tear fell down his cheek and onto the already tear-stained bed sheet.

_He's just a kid._

"Hey, hey. No. Don't go back there. Don't do that," Bucky said. "Wanna know what I do?"

"Yeah," Peter said in a small voice. Bucky smiled a sad smile.

"I count."

"What?"

"Five things you can see. Four things you can feel. Three things you can hear. Two things you can smell. One thing you can taste. It can be anything, from something as simple as a pen, to something as bad as blood. It always works for me, even if I can't remember anything."

"Okay," Peter whispered, looking down. Bucky put a finger underneath his chin, and made Peter look up at him.

"Can you do that for me?" he asked.

"Okay, um. I can see a pencil. My textbooks. You. My bedsheets. My shoes," he mumbled.

"Feel?"

"My bed. You. The ground. The wind blowing through the window."

"Hear?"

"Cars honking. Your voice. Um... Nat and Mr. Stark arguing," he said slowly, his voice gaining more confidence as he went on. Peter tentatively looked at the door, still hearing Nat and Tony yelling at each other about him. He heard Steve and Bruce joining in, trying to make peace between them. Bucky put his hands on both sides of his face and turned his face away from the door gently.

"Don't focus on that. What about smell?"

"I think I smell some pollution? And um, your vanilla shampoo," he said with a grin. Bucky threw his head back, laughing, and Peter instantly cheered up.

"Yeah, sure. That counts, I guess. What about taste?" Bucky chuckled. Peter pretended to look thoughtful for a second, and then a smile lit up his face.

_He's just a kid._

"Chocolate cake?" he said hopefully. Bucky grinned at him, as chocolate cake was his favorite food. He knew that Peter didn't actually taste chocolate cake, and he was just using this as a way to get Bucky to get him to take him to the bakery.

And no one can pass up an opportunity to get chocolate cake.

Right?


End file.
